ham hock

there are a couple of things i've been pondering while i've been sick.

- i think i had a daymare the other day. and it is definitely a lot worse than a nightmare.

- my mom is starting to spend more and more time on the internet. which is 10000000% more time than she was spending, say, 6 months ago. i can't imagine that to be a good thing.

- it's amazing and gross how much mucus i can produce when i'm sick. i have a couple of theories of how it happens:

1. since i usually get sick once or twice a year, during the times that i am healthy, my body is slowly building a supply of mucus for me to expel once i do get sick. though this doesn't make logical sense to me, it still is possible.
2. i fully believe that if i hock hard enough, i will hock out a little man that has been making all this mucus inside my body. then i will be cured of all my ailments until another little man grows up and starts producing mucus. this makes more logical sense to me, but probably isn't possible.

- i am positive that only being able to eat soup for the rest of my life would not be that bad. as long as by "only soup" you really meant "only soup and a steak once a month"

- floyd mayweather, either one of you, you are a little bitch.

have you seen this?

i'm trying to figure out where this guy will go, if he goes anywhere at all.

so let's say he becomes so much of an internet sensation that he makes it to good morning america. is he gonna mumble "i'm yours" on national television?!?!?

that would be AWESOME!!

december musings

i can't remember most of 1993. was i high or something? i have no idea what i learned in third grade. in second grade i remember that we learned to add and subtract bigger numbers. did we learn to multiply in third grade? i was tiny tim for the christmas play. i think i cut a lot of school to rehearse for that. maybe that's why.

----------------------------------------------

i tweeted something because i was mad after reading somebody's post on facebook. foo's post was just hella ignorant and i needed an outlet to yell. upon further review, i think it just makes me look like a mad douche.

but it's not fair. i can't give context with 140 characters. so in an effort to feel like less of a douche i will give my argument here.

here is what said "friend" posted, word for word:
Only in the Bay Area would you get fined for burning your private fireplace in your home...spare the air? WTF....ITS FREEZING OUTSIDE! LET PEOPLE BURN WOOD!

WTF is wrong with you! burning wood in your fireplace is an inefficient way to heat up your home, and it releases carcinogens into the air, which causes cancer, and also causes baby polar bears to melt. i thought you graduated from college, homie? shit is basic!

----------------------------------------------

i have this thing where i come up with brilliant answers to hypothetical questions that people might possibly, but more likely never, ask me. for example:

if someone were to ask me why i don't post on this blog more often i would reply, with my chin held high to the sky:
I try not to post something unless I feel that it is beneficial to both me and the reader.

ok, maybe that answer's not that brilliant, but i have come up with good answers to ridiculous questions. just in case, you know?

----------------------------------------------

monterey clam chowdah

i'm very sure that this is very n00b of me to say, but i recently found heaven in my mouth when i combined monterey clam chowdah (not really that different from new england clam chowdah) and tabasco hot sauce.

take a spoonful of creamy thick clam chowdah, and shake a drop or two of tabasco on top of your spoonful. then call me up to say "thank you" for reinvigorating your intimate relationship with your spoon.

jitterbug

so i started reading again, and i'm not really trying to draw attention to that other than the fact that the first line of the book is hilarious to me, and i can't post it on twitter cuz it's over 140 characters:

Priscilla lived in a studio apartment. It was called a "studio" apartment because art is supposed to be glamorous an landlords have a vested interest in making us believe that artists prefer to sleep in their workrooms.

(Jitterbug Perfume)

Also, phillip ramirez is the most amazing reader i have ever encountered in my life.

kaleidoscope eyes

i haven't been keeping up much with the floods in the philippines. actually, i think i've been trying to avoid reading about them.

i mean it's like the only time i ever take notice of the philippines is when something bad is happening there, and i guess it just hurts to realize that. i couldn't even tell you where ondoy is. that sucks.

bye @berkeley.edu

i never really got to say bye to my calmail account. first i get an email saying that i have until one date to say goodbye, then i get another email saying that i get a little longer. maybe that's wrong, maybe i shoulda actually read those emails.

it's like when a bf and a gf agree that they're gonna break up right when college starts, but then they find out the first day of school is actually a week later. it's so awkward.

anyways, next thing you know, i have to choose between email powered by millions of squirrels and roundcube, and my password is not compatible with either of them. so there you go, that's how it ends. goodbye cool ending on my email.

i did have an awkward address though.. joshmen@berkeley.edu? joshmen? i remember being annoyed that jmendoza, jtmendoza and other better looking addresses were already taken. I am the greatest jmendoza alive! i should be given that address wherever i lay my email privileges.

but having an email with @berkeley.edu at the end. that's like having a pimp cup in your back pocket, ready to take it out if fools need to recognize my game.

but it is no more. so let's all pour a drink for our fallen homie, post-grad-but-not-in-graduate-school calmail account.

free like a bird

so when i finally got to driving my very own car, i had this new sense of freedom. i felt like a bird that finally learned how to fly. bye suckers! i can go anywhere i want. with my car and a full tank of gas, i felt like i was KING OF THE WORRRLLLLLLLLLLDDDDD!


then i'm unpleasantly forced to come to the realization that my car is pretty old, and that from time to time, it'll just break down. in the middle of the freeway. that means, until i can afford, at any given time, to have my car repaired in the middle of the nowhere, that i prolly shouldn't take it too far from home. whatever. I'M KING OF THE BAY AREAAAAAAA!


now i know, it's more like, I'M KING OF ANYWHERE IN THE BAY AREA WITH FREE PARKING!

breakfast revelation

if instant oatmeal is your quick breakfast of choice, boy do i have a surprise for you!

this method works especially well with the unflavored original oats, which i used to not use anyway.

before you boil up your water to pour over the oats, drop 10-15 raisins (golden raisins if you have them) and a teaspoon of sugar, brown or white, in with the water. let it boil and pour over the oats as you regularly do.

et voila, you now have more fiber and iron in your oatmeal, while still increasing the deliciousness of your breakfast.

patent pending.

eyawn's coming back so we can all start acting normally again

so i've unintentionally become emotionally invested in this michael vick saga, and i guess i just wanted to say my piece. you readers are so lucky.

people need to get off of him. the eff is he supposed to do? he did his time. the eff is the prison system supposed to mean if we don't allow at least a second chance? people just like to feel self righteous i guess.

--------------------------------------------

i now have a theory that every sports team has stupid ass fans; that it is a requirement that every team has fans that have no idea how to play the game correctly AND are just completely forget about simple social rules when at a ballpark.

i came to this theory at a giants/dodgers game:

while the dodgers were changing pitchers, from one asian picture, hiroki kuroda, to another asian pitcher, hong-chich kuo, stupid bitch giants fan behind me says,

"the fuck is his name? same thing anyway."

my fucking goodness people. i guess should know already this since san francisco is kinna misunderstood as a diverse city and welcoming city.

--------------------------------------------

i do realize that in posting this post. i am actually indulging in a bit of self-righteousness. paint me ironic hypocrite.

public service announcement

motherf*ckers,

please stop unnecessary braking, it just f*cks up my groove too much. my studies have shown that unnecessary braking leads to unnecessary traffic which also leads to unnecessary accidents which causes more unnecessary traffic, increasing my blood temperature to an unnecessary level. (this also begs the question, what is a necessary accident? oh ye of little knowledge, don't you know?!?)

so please,

just stop doing that.

your solution
???

just get your lead foot off the accelerator, but DON'T go straight to the brake. just chill out. put both feet on your car floor, enjoy that feeling. it's a new phenomena called coasting. and it's almost as effective as braking, without the side effect of f*cking up my groove.

I have to put this down now: Of course i came up with the idea for this post while driving today. and of course, later in the day, while driving, i noticed a major accident on the opposite side of the 80, guess what i did?

dancing with wolves

til saturday i am house-sitting for my auntie, who's off to vegas, to watch bette midler.

she has 6 dogs. all chihuahuas.

you might think that that's cute, but if you've ever seent these dogs, you'd know it's more like fierce.

these dogs are seriously a pack of wolves. you should see them when i let them out of their cagehouse. they move out like they're all one mass of dog.

they bark at anything. they bark at me when i turn the door knob, they bark at me when i reach into the cagehouse to pick up their poop, they bark at the night just to let me know that they know that i'm trying to sleep.

but i can see why people would want to have dogs around. each of them has their own personality, and some of them are hilarious:

- the big headed one is hella funny. she goes to the bathroom by herself, eats by herself, likes to sleep on the smaller couch. and then when everybody's sleeping, she sneaks up from behind and hella starts humping them. hahaha.. genius.

- susan roses is a diva. if she were a 7 year old girl, she'd prolly tell everyone that i was her boyfriend, cuz i hella spoil her.

- snack'ems is the alpha male, hella fierce jo, even though she's a girl dog. she also has a skunk line down her back. she should be called skunk'ems.

- the one that looks like a collie used to be boring, but today she was being hella funny playing around with her siblings when they didn't even wanna play.

- duke and lucky are like a couple. duke hella waits on lucky whenever i let them out.


anyways, if you're around the area, you should try and come through the backyard and spy on us while i'm playing wii sports. i bet i look hella funny all by myself when i celebrate and dance with 6 chihuahuas sleeping on couches around me.

quick

eggs are prolly the best food ever.
fat and protein
oil and water
scrambled or over easy

so good.

yesterday i discovered something new about eggs though:

i used to think that poaching your eggs was somewhere around the top for healthiest ways to prepare your eggs. there's no oil, so you aren't adding extra fat to the meal. and it just sounds healthier. poach. poached eggs

but when i was poaching an egg yesterday i realized how wrong i've been my whole life. poaching is prolly the least healthy method for serving eggs. cuz when you poach an egg, sometimes up to HALF of the white falls off, leaving you with less protein than you bargained for. then i realized, of course! eggs benedict, the butteriest thing you can have for breakfast, uses poached eggs.

crazy

eyawn just doesn't understand

mr. g, it's starting to feel like you get personally offended when people hate on "your" lakers. and it's not even like that. cuz really, i admire the work you do as a person. you can't see me, but right now, i am standing an applauding your work as a teacher.

but the more i think about it, of all laker fans, even as hardcore as you claim to be, you should be the one to understand the mindset of any of one of the many bay-area-based-laker-haters. after all, you have embraced the bay area as another home (actually, at one point in time, you embraced the warriors, but that's ok, most of us didn't take that personally)

so you should at least kinna understand what bay area sports feel like.

it feels like manny ramirez turns down the giant's, who offered him the exact same contract he is in right now, just cuz it's la

it feels like frickin usc ucla gettin all media attention

it feels like i fuckin hate anaheim and anything there (sorry phil) and game 6 of the 2002 world series and the stupid ducks

it feels like sportscenter la?! why do i need a different sportscenter from la?

ok i know now it sounds like i'm whining, and if i think about it, i guess i am, but maybe it boils down to this:

- the warriors franchise looks like it has no idea what they're doing, even though they have/had the most loyal fanbase in the nba.
- the lakers franchise seems to know exactly what they're doing, and even though you and paul seem to know how to properly watch a basketball game, most "die-hard" laker fans i've come across are ignorant about the game and just have no idea what they're talking about. understandably so, since the franchise has spoiled them with a continually successful basketball team and therefore they don't really need to know anything except how to know if the team won or not.
(it feels like those two points need some proof or something, so @eyawn, please bring me a reliable sample of 100 laker fans and i'll prove my point. if you cannot, then i win)

man this post has become me rambling now. i don't even wanna post it anymore, but i have to cuz i said i would. maybe i'll join the post-a-day crew.

fuck la

just for fun

manny pacquiao

i am culturally obligated to post something about the pac man. even though most folks are already thinking in their heads and hearts what i'm about to write, i still have to put it down.

image courtesy of paul e.

"I have been defeated before, so I know what it is like, but a lot of people in the Philippines are willing me to win and praying for me. The guns are silent in the street every time I fight. There is no fighting, no crime. I would fight every day just for my people, if the guns will stay silent. These are the thoughts I carry to the ring and they are powerful thoughts. I am not trying to win this fight alone." -Manny Pacquiao

(well said, manny)

he looks like us, he talks like us, he even uses the same karaoke that i do. he is our champion. plain and simple. he fights for you, seriously. even if you don't follow boxing, or like boxing, or sports. as long as you like being filipino (sooo, not you michelle), manny pacquiao does it for you, i'm dead serious.

and it's not the same thing when kobe, lebron, baron, barry, or michael phelps say "I do it for my fans/country/people". bs. I'm sorry that i even had to mention those heroic hacks in the same post. manny does it for his people 198314754 times more than any high-profile athlete on this planet. he proves it time and time again.

right now, as we see him, manny pacquiao is, in practically every possible way, our real-life superhero. so please savor this time in our history, because it's a little hard to see what his future is going to look like. (i'm not saying he's going to fail in politics, i'm just saying)


And just one more photo for fun, but i don't know who to credit, so if you made this image, cheers.

best simple sauce ever

dollop of mayo
about half as much french mustard
splash of red wine vinegar
salt and pepper to taste
hot sauce (optional)


you're welcome

prayer

dear god,

please stop my mom from listening to 1260 catholic radio. I know you understand.

Amen

p.s. say what's up to apu for me.

kat, this is what i would've told you if you answered my drunk dial

let's say you are a girl (or a guy, to be fair) at a bar, and you tell somebody about to buy you a drink that you only drink high class shit, like remy.

now i know from experience that some places charge $13 a shot of remy. that's 26 tacos!

let's say that that somebody you're with buys 2 shots of remy so that you don't have to drink alone. (52 tacos plus tip, for those of you counting)

PLEEEEEEASE DO NOT follow up the purchase of 13-buck shots of remy with a request for some overpriced coca cola for chaser. hell no, do not chase that 13-buck taste out of your mouth with 2 dollars of coke. if you only drink high class shit, act like it and suck it up. how the hell do you know the difference between remy and henn if you don't even leave it in your mouth long enough to taste the difference? (skip it)

kat, i'm not trying to insinuate that you do this sort of thing, because i've personally seen you drink 151 like a bull, or a lion, or a shark. prolly like a shark, since it's drinking we're talking about.

i'm just saying.

answer my drunk call next time.