hello? is this thing still on?

it's way too early to still be awake. i wish i could control my thoughts. but i can't. i can't stop thinking about it. everything reminds me.

everything.

i'm sorry for the sadness of this post. i remember telling myself that this blog should never be a release for my negative emotions, and that i would try and keep it entertaining and funny. but the arena for random funny thoughts is now owned by twitter. and i find myself awake, with a million thoughts running through my brain, wishing i had somebody to talk to. but it's 5:06am as i type this sentence.

i thought about working out. thought about doing pushups until i get tired enough to fall asleep, until i can no longer tell the difference between my sweat and tears, until my arms ache more than my heart does. but really, i can't keep avoiding the fact that it was my fault. and i know it.