dreams are addicting

i think i'm addicted to posting with "addiction" in my titles.

i went to sleep at like 12am last night.. kinna early, but whatever..
i woke up once at 7am, on my own.. meaning i just woke up without an alarm or anything.. usually that means i got enough sleep, so could actually get up.. but today.. i decided that was way too early before work (at 10am) and that i would set my alarm for 8:50am..

i did so.. fell back asleep, started to dream about something i forgot already.. and then i woke up at 8:50.. now i shoulda told myself, that was enough.. time to get up.. and i really had intended to.. but before you know it.. i fell back asleep and started dreaming again..

next time i wake up..
9:49am..

i think i'm addicted to dreaming.. even though not all my dreams are happy.. there's something about being in a world where anything could happen within 20 minutes of conscious/unconscious-ness that i just can't get enough of..

addiction revisited

a couple posts ago i said i was addicted to buying cds..
that was a lie.. i'm addicted to music.. or more specifically i'm addicted to the music that i buy..

you might be thinkin, "yea everybody says they love music"..
yea.. this isn't love.. this is an addiction..

ok.. now that i think of it.. addiction is a pretty extreme word.. which is prolly why i use it.. because it's so EXTREME..

i don't wanna mislead you to think that i can't live without the music i buy.. or that i need a fix every couple of hours.. but at the same time, i don't think that my affection for music is something that everybody is gonna be able to relate to.. i don't really know what to call it right now other than an addiction, but just know that i'm not hella stupid or anything and that i don't know what the definition is of an addiction.. i'll describe it by telling you what i do with my music compared to what i think most other people do with theirs.. most people get a new album, let it play, decide which songs they like, and put those songs in their next cd mix..

this is how i go about things:
when i get a new album, i'll let it play.. and if i decide that i like the first couple tracks.. then i'll tell myself that i automatically like the whole album.. even though i prolly won't get to the rest of the tracks for another day or so..

anyways, most people might listen to an album over and over again til they get tired of it.. or they listen to it, and like i said before, they pick out their favorite songs to put into their mixes..

me.. i NEVER get tired of listening to an album, never.. never.. i only get new albums and listen to those.. but if i had one, maybe two or three, of my albums on a roadtrip somewhere, then i wouldn't care if that's all we listened to the whole way...

and with my favorite songs, i listen to them at least 10 times repeatedly, before i start studying the song.. and studying the song doesn't mean just studying the lyrics, but every little detail about the song, even the voices in the back of the main singer.. and when the bass hits and the snare hits.. and even the conversations (like the 5-minute phone conversation alicia keys has in "you don't know my name")

and yea..
i'm never tired of repeating songs or albums..

let's end with some good lyrics..
Oughta be locked away when I rock this way
Get rocked on the airwaves but not for play
If my heart should stop and I drop today
I went against all odds and I got my way
-murs

on the philippine left

(here's to posting more than once in a day)

mayn.. kat just pwned me in my previous post..
i almost wanna delete it now.. but i can't be a wussy like that..
i'll take the punishment...


i went to this talk given by walden bello with wally about the political state in the philippines, it was in oakland and there were some scary socialist people there.. we also took hella free food without even donating any money!!.. (sorry if you wanted to keep that a secret, wally)

anyways, there was this one question addressed to walden about some accusations coming from the far left side (the far left as in liberal side, not of the room).. and walden gave an answer that struck me with some profound insight.. he said that nobody has a monopoly on the action being done about the political killings we as the left side need to come together.. doesn't matter how far left you are, all that matters is that we're on the left, and we don't like the things that the right side is doing, but in order to make change we need to come together...

maybe it's not so profound to you, but it makes me think.. sometimes as a person with progressive ideologies, you maybe feel that you and your close colleagues are the only ones thinking this way, when really there are a lot of people thinking this way, maybe not exactly the same, but similar.. maybe more explicitly said, the left is very fragmented with what they called the "old" left and the extreme left.. this is all fine and dandy, but sometimes different parts of the left start getting at each other when really we should be getting at the other side.. and the only way to get this shit done is to put aside our subtle differences and create a united front..


hmm.. that's a lot of jumbled-ness.. let's try to break it down..

when you share a common "enemy"with someone, the point is not to fight over who hates the enemy more, or who is dealing with the enemy better, but to find out a collective way to overcome the "enemy"...

seems simple, but life is fuckin complex!!!


dammit.. there goes my two posts in one day.. it's 12:06

on usf's pcn

(this might be a little offensive)

i'm not even gonna pretend like i liked it..
if you're from usf's pcn and you ask me what i thought.. i'll prolly say "it was chill" or something meaningless like that..

where shall we start??..
the acting was pretty good i guess.. the characters played weren't too difficult.. a pilipino male just graduated from college.. a bunch of his pilipino friends.. a couple of pilipino parents, aunts and uncles.. you know.. the works..

the story was semi-already seen it, semi-this is saying nothing new or insightful about our culture.. it's a love story. the guy isn't pilipino enough, and the girl is hecka filipino.. which isn't really defined anywhere in the story.. i mean she doesn't even speak a dialect.. so exactly what is pilipino enough.. the guy says that being pilipino is having a really big family, i think.. which makes no sense at all..

don't get me wrong.. there is a BIG difference between knowing a lot about your country and culture and not knowing anything at all.. iono if we're gonna label that "being filipino enough", but whatever, just like my skit(i mean the one i'm in, which OWEN J*V*LL*N* wrote) says.. your culture and race are a very important part of who you are..

anyways.. back the sf pcn.. yea.. being pilipino was never defined, like seriously..

and most of the dances were horrendous!!.. oh my lord, i don't think anybody was paying attention in practice, or anybody was actually watching the practices, cuz you sure as hell wouldn't be able to say, yea.. that looks stage ready... i mean.. even if you aren't gonna put something in the skit worth paying attention to, then you should at least make your dances clean.. but shit.. that didn't even happen.. at some point when i was watching the dances, i was saying to myself "i can't believe i paid to watch this"..

a side note.. to anybody reading this saying to themselves "well at least our pcn has really clean dances".. don't think that that saves your pcn.. it still might as well be called "pilipino dance showcase"...

which brings me to the point of all this ranting..
i really feel that pcn is a chance for pilipino college(and some high school) students to spark change or, at the very least, dialogue about their culture.. but from what i've seen, skits have only been a venue for our own inside jokes about ourselves, or a venue where we can poke fun at our own culture.. and dances have been stuck in most random places.. which makes no sense at all..

which brings us to the "what do we do about this atrocity, josh??" question of the night..
(i hope i don't jinx it by saying this but..)
our pcn is gonna be THE SHIT!!... so watch it..

addiction

i'm addicted to buying cds now, instead of getting the mp3s.. even though i have hella friends that have shady ass connections like that..

but yea.. i kinna only like listening to cds that i've actually purchased now.. it's weird..

okay.. maybe that's a lie.. i buy cds from artists that i really like and would like to support AND don't really look like they're swimming in money... yea, cuz i don't support that MTV crib shit..


anyhow. here are some examples of what i've bought in the past couple of weeks..

I haven't listened to this one yet.. i just bought it an hour ago.. i'll tell you how it goes though..
















even though this album is old, it's a classic, and it's never to late to buy a classic..

















this one is kinna outta my league.. but whatever.. you gotta try something new once and awhile..


















ATTENTION: no one else has posted about amy winehouse yet.. so before she gets big.. or not.. just know that i found her first!!@#!@#!


the album is dope by the way..
sounds like etta james with swear words..

music to ears is like sun rays

i would like to send a sincere apology to....




my ipod..



the battery ran out on my ipod awhile back and i didn't charge it for almost 3 weeks!.. i wasn't sure if i was gonna be able to resuscitate it after so long, but don't worry.. she's ok now..


i didn't get a lot of sleep last night.. but i wanna write in this blog cuz i finally have some free time.. but i don't know what to write about.. this post has seriously taken me like 2 hours of idle-listen-to-music-surf-the-internet-try-to-write-in-your-blog time... maybe it's cuz i didn't get a lot of sleep..

it's funny seeing freshmen in the etcheverry computer labs working on their e28 (CAD class) homework.. that was me 4 years ago.. it's funny how they say it's hella late already when it's like 11pm.. and i'm getting there at like 1030 just starting.. oh silly freshmen..

for once.. i truly wish i could devote more time to my studying.. i know it sounds hella stupid for two reasons... 1) why am i being such a nerd hella wanting to do my homework??.. and 2) why don't i just stop some of the things i'm doing so i could free up more time for homework??... i wish it was that easy to quit things.. but i am having fun doing everything..

anyways.. can't wait for next semester, when i can focus on school.. and start fresh with some other things..

lead singer/rapper of the roots, black thought, makes the SAME EXACT reference to charleton heston in two songs.. one on the track "in the music" off of "game theory"; and one on "my favorite mutiny" off of "pick a bigger weapon" by the coup.. actually it's a reference to one of my favorite movies, "bowling for columbine"..

bet you didn't know that..

school is soo cool

the northside "asian ghetto" in berkeley is an interesting place. it's not the most delicious place to eat, but it can be considered a "good-place-for-cheap" restaurant plaza. actually, most of the restaurants are kinna grimy, and i'm almost positive that the fried rice from TC garden is actually recycled rice. recycled as in they take the rice that people leave on their plate and just fry it...
that's pretty gross.. maybe they don't do that.. but if you ever eat there.. think about what it looks like.. and why they give you soooo much..

which brings me to the point of my blog.. even though it's not anywhere close to a really good place to eat, the northside ghetto feeds some of the smartest people in the engineering industry.. a lot of the big bosses in the microlab go to eat there.. and i see a lot of my professors, many which are considered to be at the tops of their respective industries, dining in the northside ghetto.. it's pretty funny actually...


makes me feel funny eating the same food that they eat..

realization weekend

does that count as illiteration??.. realization weekend??.. sounds nice right??..

actually this weekend isn't about realizations.. i actually knew this shit long before this weekend.. this weekend should actually be called supporting-evidence-weekend.. but that's not illiteration...

supporting evidence that you don't care about anything or anyone but yourself. but you can hide it pretty well. meaning people think that you care about them..


by the way. i'm gonna miss some shit this week because there's this benefit on thursday and benefits are supposed to make you think that i actually care about whatever the hell it's benefitting when really i just wanna go to the benefit afterparty..

yes.. ding ding ding.. you're all correct. these are all fuckin judgements. prove me wrong. i have a right to be mad.
keepin it real.

worst week in the history of me

*this one will be fiery*

somebody ever tell you that everything will be ok as long you try your hardest

yea.. people usually tell you that after you procrastinated too too much and ended up with an amount of work and corresponding amount of time that didn't really match up, logistically..

yea.. well.. that wasn't really the case for me.. i mean.. i procrastinated moderately, just for most of the weekend.. but i worked every day from sunday night at about 6pm all the way to thursday 9am... slept about 5 hours a day.. except for wednesday night.. i had a lot to do, but figured that as long as i didn't mess around too much i'd finish.. i even skipped a couple of meetings and a practice that i'm supposed to be at.. logistically, it was all pretty feasible.. and i wouldn't consider that trying my absolute hardest, but pretty frickin hard and dedicated..

anyways, it's thursday and i'm in class and i haven't finished everything i needed to finish.. i spent most of wednesday night working on something for some class (most meaning all but 1 hour which i spent lyind down trying my very hardest not to fall asleep, only so i wouldn't sleep through my midterm) and i'm not posting this to try and brag about how much i had compared to you.. i mean.. you might've had more..

i'm just trying to say that i tried my hardest, and it wasn't enough.. and it doesn't feel ok.. it doesn't feel like everything is gonna be ok.. it feels like crudddd....

usually when i spend an all nighter.. there's a certain sense of tired ass satisfaction when it's like 8am in the morning and you're done.. but this morning felt absolutely horrible.. i think it's one of the worst feelings i've ever felt.. working through the whole night and not being able to finish..
not not not good good good..

on top of that.. i was looking forward to thursday night because it meant that i would be done with everything and i could enjoy the rest of the week in peace.. but that was taken away from me.. and now i'm just hoping that i'll get a day extension so as to not suffer a late penalty.. i tried my frickin hardest and i'll still get a late penalty..

whatevers.. i'm sorry if this is a ranting post.. maybe it wasn't so fiery...

i would like to shout out april for being so nice this week.. i really hate posts with mushy shit like that, but this week she gave me some really dope support when i was pretty much a lifeless academic zombie.. (yes i just said "dope" and yes i just used to as an adjective for support... support can be dope.. what's wrong with that??..)
but yes.. thank you "gf"riend.. let's get you a wii remote so you can play with me already..