a fried egg, rice, and ketchup

that's what i grew up eating

i love being filipino. during thanksgiving celebrations, whenever i have to answer the question what i'm most thankful for, i almost always answer "i'm thankful that my parents were filipino, cuz that means i'm a pilipino" (yes i know i switched them up mid-sentence and i don't care) and really, i mean it. being filipino has heavily influenced every part of my life thus far, and i really am grateful for it.

anyway, i only bring this up because one of the things i always found weird was how my family, and how i assumed all filipino families, mourned the loss of a loved one. I always thought it a little strange how we threw nights after nights of parties, drank, gambled, laughed the night away all because we lost one of our own. it sounds a little backwards right? shouldn't the mood be somber? shouldn't we be praying for her soul? come on filipinos, get your act together! i wasn't the only one seeing this way, right?

unfortunately, my grandma passed away this week, and as i type this at 1230am on a thursday morning, my extended family is just leaving my house after another night of eating laughing drinking gambling praying. yesterday, my aunties and uncles stayed playing cards until 3am, on a friggin wednesday night! they even asked my cousins to drive some folks home cuz they were drinking, on a frigging wednesday night! yet i don't find it weird anymore. i get it. i'm sure my grandma is loving the fact that we're all together because of her. laughing at us as we stumbled through a prayer we got from the internet. proud because some of us, just one really, can make the best biscuits filipinos have ever known to make with their own hands. and just happy that we really do enjoy each other's company, even if we play beer pong way too much for grown ass people. maybe it's really just helping us all cope by spending hella time together, but it's also beautiful too.

so yes, i can now say i love everything about being filipino. except maybe the whole you have to be as catholic as you can be part. but other than that, i love being pilipino.

rest in peace, apu.