why i can't never come home again

although rent for my college apartment was always paid by my parents, at least i felt independent. and more important, i felt "grown-up".

in the last apartment i stayed at, i became especially proud of myself for hardly ever leaving a dish in the sink to wash later. i would almost always wash dishes right after i used them, something i hardly ever did at my previous apartments. though it was something small, at least i knew i could discipline myself that much. i think it made me really excited to actually live independently of my parents, to see how well i could actually be "grown-up".

now at home, we have a dishwasher, that we fill up about once every 1.5 days and run, and i absolutely hate it... well not all of it. when we didn't have it my dad used to always graciously do the dishes (he's nice like that) after dinner. and i'm glad that at least now he's not the one doing the dishes.

but the fact that i lost one of the only "grown-up" things i taught myself to do makes me pretty depressed.

insert sad face.

i know there are other ways i could grow up, and whatever. but doing my own dishes made me excited about living. imagine that.

it's not that i'm trying to shun away from all of the things my parents have worked hard to get. i just need to feel like i can be my own responsible person again.